“If it is right, it happens — The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing
good gets away.”
Nobel laureate John Steinbeck (1902-1968)
might be best-known as the author of East
of Eden, The Grapes of Wrath, and Of Mice and Men, but he was also a prolific letter-writer.Steinbeck:
A Life in Letters constructs an alternative biography of the iconic
author through some 850 of his most thoughtful, witty, honest, opinionated,
vulnerable, and revealing letters to family, friends, his editor, and a circle
of equally well-known and influential public figures.
Among his correspondence is
this beautiful response to his eldest son Thom’s 1958 letter, in which the
teenage boy confesses to have fallen desperately in love with a girl named
Susan while at boarding school. Steinbeck’s words of wisdom — tender,
optimistic, timeless, infinitely sagacious — should be etched onto the heart
and mind of every living, breathing human being.
New
York
November 10, 1958
November 10, 1958
Dear
Thom:
We
had your letter this morning. I will answer it from my point of view and of
course Elaine will from hers.
First
— if you are in love — that’s a good thing — that’s about the best thing that
can happen to anyone. Don’t let anyone make it small or light to you.
Second
— There are several kinds of love. One is a selfish, mean, grasping,
egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and
crippling kind. The other is an outpouring of everything good in you — of
kindness and consideration and respect — not only the social respect of manners
but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and
valuable. The first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second
can release in you strength, and courage and goodness and even wisdom you
didn’t know you had.
You
say this is not puppy love. If you feel so deeply — of course it isn’t puppy
love.
But I
don’t think you were asking me what you feel. You know better than anyone. What
you wanted me to help you with is what to do about it — and that I can tell
you.
Glory
in it for one thing and be very glad and grateful for it.
The
object of love is the best and most beautiful. Try to live up to it.
If
you love someone — there is no possible harm in saying so — only you must
remember that some people are very shy and sometimes the saying must take that
shyness into consideration.
Girls
have a way of knowing or feeling what you feel, but they usually like to hear
it also.
It
sometimes happens that what you feel is not returned for one reason or another
— but that does not make your feeling less valuable and good.
Lastly,
I know your feeling because I have it and I’m glad you have it.
We
will be glad to meet Susan. She will be very welcome. But Elaine will make all
such arrangements because that is her province and she will be very glad to.
She knows about love too and maybe she can give you more help than I can.
And
don’t worry about losing. If it is right, it happens — The main thing is not to
hurry. Nothing good gets away.
Love,
Fa
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